


Anyone Who Had a Robot

by Liadt



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (1963), Kaldor City, The Avengers (1960's tv), The Avengers (TV)
Genre: AU, Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Ficathon, F/M, Gen, Het, Women Being Awesome, all the nasty bits are in one scene, corpse marker - chris boucher - Freeform, first time just about, warning for threats of non-con and violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-21
Updated: 2013-11-21
Packaged: 2018-01-02 06:24:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1053535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liadt/pseuds/Liadt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Uvanov and Toos are out of sorts,<br/>Polly and Cathy renegotiate their rental agreement.</p><p>Or:</p><p>In an AU Kaldor City where robots have taken over Toos and Uvanov fall through a crack in time. Finding themselves in 1960's London they meet Cathy and Polly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anyone Who Had a Robot

**Author's Note:**

> Beta-ed by the excellent Aralias after battling rogue computers.
> 
> Written for the DW_50ficathon on LJ. Qualifying character: Polly Wright. Year:1967.

In the early hours of the morning, Lish Toos and Kiy Uvanov wandered the deserted streets of London. They were more than lost: it definitely wasn’t Kaldor. They walked slowly arm in arm, partly for mutual reassurance, partly because Toos had broken the heel of her shoe.

“I always said those heels were impractical,” said Uvanov.

“I was trying to find you when I caught my heel in a grate,” said Toos.

“My hero,” said Uvanov sarcastically.

“If you hadn’t run off and left me on my own, I would have been fine.”

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t consider your footwear before my neck. Next time, I’ll stay to be beaten to death.”

“How did you get away, anyway?”

Uvanov smiled without humour. “By hiding. Drunks are neither agile nor observant. When they realised they would have to make an effort to find me they lost interest and staggered off. I found my way back by going in the opposite direction to their noise.”

Toos squeezed Uvanov‘s arm. “I’m glad we didn’t lose each other.”

“Misery loves company.”

“Thanks,” said Toos sounding hurt.

“I’ll get you some new shoes. Better ones,” said Uvanov by way of an apology.

“I want crystal-encrusted ankle boots with gold soles.”

“Of course.”

“As you’re an expert in this area’s footwear availability, where do you think we are?”

“How should I know? One minute we were running away from robots, then there was a flash and we’re here.” Uvanov looked up. “The stars are different, but those drunks were human, just. Our ancestors came from another planet maybe we’ve come home? Wherever we are, there is a lack of robots.”

From the near distance came the sounds of crashing and a scream.

“Did you hear that?” asked Toos.

“Yes. I’d leave them to it.”

“I’m sure the noise was the same as a robot hitting a wall.”

“I told you, wherever we are it’s robot free. It’s too late for the victim by the sound of it,” said Uvanov irritably.

“Shh. I’m going to have a look. We’ve got our explosives.”

“Us blowing up half a street may not be appreciated,” said Uvanov.

“If we help them, they’re bound to help us,” said Toos appealing to Uvanov.

Uvanov scowled. It was a crackpot scheme. “If only we knew what people worth saving looked like here.”

“No time to be picky.” 

Tired after his flight from the drunken mob, Uvanov was dragged by Toos down an alley. Passing by a row of cars, they came across a man lying in the road. His neck was bent at an unnatural angle. His bowler hat and umbrella lay next to him, squashed flat. Before them, in the middle of the alley, was a man in a long black coat and fedora. Or he might have been a man if it wasn’t for his metal face and hands. Two blonde women were circling the mechanical man.

“Watch for the hands, Polly, I’ll try to deactivate it,” said the older of the two women. She was in her thirties and was dressed all in leather. The younger woman in her twenties wasn’t as practically attired, sticking to the popular trend for mini-skirts.

“It is a robot,” hissed Toos, scrabbling in her bag. “Hey, you two! I have a bomb. Stand back.” Toos kicked off her shoes, ran forward and stuck the magnetic explosive device on the cybernaut’s back. As she retreated, the cybernaut blew up.

The older woman strode up to the Kaldorians. “Thank you for your assistance. I’m Mrs Catherine, Cathy, Gale.” She found them easy to spot, as the streetlights reflected off the glitter of their clothes. “We had better leave now, your little device will have half of London down here.” 

Polly, hard on Cathy’s heels took in Toos and Uvanov’s unusual dress and make-up. “You’re not from around here are you? Not London, not this planet?” They looked in alarm at Polly, not sure how to react. “Do you have anywhere to stay? Do you want to come to our flat?”

The pair looked at each other. “They were fighting a robot,” said Toos slowly, knowing how suspicious Uvanov was.

“All right. If it’s not trouble with them, it’ll be from someone else,” said Uvanov.

“I could say the same to you,” said Cathy to Polly. “Don’t I get a say who stays at my flat?”

“Don’t you want to know how to fight cybernauts?” said Polly.

****

In a large room filled with banks of gleaming, metal, wardrobe-sized computers and washing-machine-sized processors, on top of an oversized console, the light on a control box went out. 

“The remote sensor has switched off,” said Marie Reynolds, a tall woman with auburn hair. She got up from her seat to take a closer look at the box.

“A loose connection?” said her assistant, Chi, a petite Chinese woman, with long hair swept up into a ponytail. She came across the floor to join Marie by the console.

“Fix it, Chi. I don’t want a cybernaut found wandering the capital’s streets.”

“Yes, ma’am,” said Chi, taking the back off the box and checking inside. “It doesn’t appear to be receiving a signal.”

Marie impatiently swiped the box from Chi’s hands. “I’ll take over the controls. Take one of the guards and find out if the cybernaut is still at its last known location.”

“Yes, ma’am,” said Chi, swishing her ponytail as she turned to carry out Marie’s orders.

****

Toos and Uvanov sat in Cathy’s lounge as the two women made bacon sandwiches for breakfast in the kitchen.

“The décor’s interesting,” said Toos looking at the stuffed animal heads and tribal masks hung on the wall.

“Almost as interesting as the holiday snaps,” said Uvanov as he shifted an eye-opening stack of photographs depicting tribal initiation rites to one side. “Are they cooking the back ends of those beasts in there?”

“Whatever they’re frying, it doesn’t smell like rat.”

They both grimaced. The standards of cuisine in Kaldor had gone down since the robot revolution. 

“Perhaps we’ll be able to live again, rather than exist like sewer-pit scum.” The flat wasn’t very big, but Toos felt they had had a lucky break.

Cathy and Polly came in to the room with breakfast. As the two strangers ate, it gave Cathy a chance to have a good look at them. They looked like defectors from a Russian circus. The foreign-sounding names were a giveaway - Uvanov certainly. Hadn’t she fought an Uvanov before? Their clothes were theatrical: loose tunics and trousers in sparkly, pleated fabric, but it was the face paint that stood out, going around their eye sockets and noses. Cathy half expected them to start miming opening a door.

They claimed to be from another world, where robots ran amok. Polly believed them. Cathy thought Uvanov was a senior clown who had run off with his apprentice and found some top-secret technology he shouldn’t have. She could believe theatricals would make up a silly story to avoid getting into trouble with their Government. 

As Toos sipped her tea, she asked, “Do you meet many off-worlders?”

“A few,” said Polly. “Don’t tell people you’re from another planet, they will think you’re insane.”

Toos smiled, “People say I’m eccentric to my face. Why don’t you think we’re mad?”

“The short story is I travelled with a man calling himself the Doctor.”

“The Doctor!” said Toos and Uvanov in unison.

“You’ve met him?” beamed Polly, pleased to hear about her old friend.

“Did he have a blue box and a feral girl in tow?” asked Uvanov.

“I don‘t know about a girl. A blue box can’t be anything but the TARDIS. He never mentioned you. He could have met you in the future or the past. I hope Jamie‘s OK. I’m glad he isn’t on his own. The Doctor travels in time and space,” she added to Cathy.

“It all makes sense to me now,” said Cathy, arching an eyebrow. “I suppose this means you’re not Russian defectors, if you’ve encountered Polly’s Doctor?”

“Russians?” said Uvanov.

“Foreigners. Not from here. In any case if you’re staying in London, you will have to change your clothes.”

“The thugs, we ran in to, did react aggressively to our appearance, especially me. Is there a laundry dispute on?” asked Uvanov.

Cathy furrowed her brow. “No why?”

“Out of a selection of slurred insults they said something about shirt lifting.”

“They meant you look like a man who likes other men,” explained Polly.

“Oh,” said Uvanov.

“What’s so bad about that?” said Toos.

“We don’t care, but there is a lot of prejudice,” said Polly.

“The make-up will have to go too,” said Cathy checking her research stills were in order.

“Why? Polly’s eyes are heavily made up,” said Toos puzzled.

“It’s the fashion. You look like a pair of clowns. Yours is too extravagant and men don’t wear any at all,” said Cathy.

Uvanov flicked his eyes over Cathy‘s pictures. “I can see we’re overdressed.” Cathy turned them over, in irritation. “And it can’t just “go” - it’s semi-permanent.”

“That makes sense. I shouldn’t have thought you would have bothered, if you were being chased by robots,” said Polly.

“It was more hiding from than being chased. Robots don’t have the imagination to be any good at hide and seek,” said Uvanov.

“We tried to kid ourselves Kaldor hadn’t gone completely to the dogs, if we still took pride in our appearance. It helps us tell the difference between what is or isn’t human. The clone robots don’t wear any,” said Toos giving Uvanov an accusatory look.

“I thought they were all destroyed,” said Uvanov sincerely.

“I’ve some pan stick for coverage and I‘m sure I can find some clothes to fit you,” said Polly helpfully.

“What about me? I’m not the same shape, in case you hadn‘t noticed,” said Uvanov.

“I’ll lend you some of Ben, my fiancé’s, clothes. You’re roughly the same height. He’s away at sea. Cathy’s letting me live with her while we save enough money for a wedding and our own place,” said Polly, wistfully playing with a sandwich crust.

Toos looked sympathetic. “It’s hard, isn’t it, when loved ones go on tour? Uvanov and I used to be away from home for two years at a time on mining tours.”

“Oh, Ben’s away for six months and it feels like a lifetime. I hope he’ll feel the same when he comes back.”

“Don’t worry. If he has a relationship on tour, they’ll have broken up by the end,” said Uvanov.

“I’m sure he was being humorous,” said Cathy sharply, observing Polly’s shocked expression.

“It always ends badly,” Uvanov said through a yawn. “Best to drop them before you go.”

“Please forgive Uvanov. He‘s had bad experiences in the past,” said Toos glaring at Uvanov. She didn’t want to be kicked out on the streets due to Uvanov’s tactlessness.

“Would you two like to get some rest?” said Cathy changing the subject.

“No, I might as well stay up, as it’s light. I want to try on some clothes and shoes. I need new shoes.” Toos held up her once elegant heels. Survivors of a dozen robot raids, the shoes hadn’t lasted one Earth night.

“Kiy?”

“Oh, all right. I’ll forgo sleep.”

****

“Lish, you’ve got legs!” said Uvanov eyeing Toos appreciatively from the settee.

Toos tried to pull down the, now too short, mini-skirt. “I didn’t think you would notice.”

“Why not?”

“You were probably the only Firstmaster who didn’t get off with their executive assistant.”

“I did employ Iago, a one-man secretary magnet. Moreover, I know for a fact that most of the Board made up rumours of their virility. Egotists. Iago got off with their assistants. It’s what I paid him his whoring allowance for.” Misinterpreting Cathy and Polly’s faces he added, “He passed on information about my opponents. I wasn’t after a second-hand sexual thrill. I told him to keep those details to himself. Do we pass for Londoners then?”

“Well, your trousers are too short,” said Polly casting a critical eye.

“Only very slightly,” said Cathy, who could sense where this conversation was heading. “Nobody would notice with a pair of boots. What about the Chelsea boots you bought Ben?”

“They are a present. I haven’t given them to Ben yet. They might not fit.”

“Anyway, you’re exaggerating about the trousers,” said Cathy.

“If you had spent time travelling with the Doctor not the second one, the first one was much smarter you would be more sensitive to how clothes are supposed to fit,” said Polly.

“The hems could be unpicked at the bottom,” said Cathy.

Toos sat on the arm of the settee and yawned, possibly not through tiredness. “Not if it’s as short as mine.”

“See, it’s an all round fashion disaster,” argued Polly.

“Not really,” said Cathy unmoved. “While you were rummaging through your closet, I called a friend. He’s sending some information for us. I hope we will be able to work out why Lyle Cavendish M.P. was murdered. As we won’t have time to acquire supplies later…”

Polly interrupted, with a smile, “Time to go shopping?”

“Yes, you go with Uvanov. I’ll take Toos with me. It’ll be quicker if we shop separately.”

Polly tried not to look disappointed. She had hoped to “accidentally” find new clothes for herself, while helping Toos shop. She opened her mouth to argue and shut it again when she saw Cathy’s expression, which signalled Cathy wasn’t open to further discussions.

****

“We’re back, ma’am. The cybernaut has been destroyed,” said Chi breathlessly as she entered the control room, where Marie was waiting.

“Destroyed? Impossible. The cybernaut is impervious to bullets,” said Marie dismissively.

“She’s right, boss-ma’am,” said a hulking guard. He came struggling into the room under the weight of charred and twisted pieces of metal. He dumped the pile he carried unceremoniously on the floor. Marie walked over to the pile and inspected it with her pencil. Her minions had told the truth. The cybernaut’s charred metal face lay in the middle of the jumble. “Cavendish’s corpse was nearby,” puffed the guard.

“Hmm, as soon as I terminate one enemy another fills his place. I would like to meet the people who can reduce a cybernaut to a heap of junk. They may be _persuaded_ to show me how they did it,” said Marie.

“Are you cancelling your schedule?” asked Chi.

“No, no. I’ll have to arrange for the rest to be murdered the old-fashioned way. It doesn’t pay to be too reliant on machines or predictable. After all, who would suspect a biotechnologist could build a murderous mechanoid?”

****

Polly resisted the urge to push Uvanov away from her.

It was a busy Saturday morning on the first of the month, and the crowds were out in full force. They were enjoying the chance to shop in the unseasonal sunshine. However, it wasn’t so packed Uvanov didn’t have space not to walk with his shoulder touching Polly’s. 

“Don’t worry - I won’t lose you,” said Polly in the hope of regaining some of her personal space.

“It’s a long time since I’ve seen this many people,” said Uvanov glancing uneasily around him.

“It must be very disorientating,” sympathised Polly.

“It’s not that. It’s the lack of fear. I keep expecting robots to turn up and the screaming to start. I don’t see why I couldn’t have taken my bag with me.”

“There aren’t any robots, except for the cybernauts and they target people on their own. And your bag isn‘t very manly.”

“Much like everything from Kaldor,” noted Uvanov.

“It would be OK if you were a hippy, but they aren’t into metallics.”

“I don’t care about bag trends. It’s the contents I want,” snapped Uvanov.

“I’m only trying to help,” said Polly patiently. It wasn’t the first time she had dealt with a tetchy man from space. “Hey, look at those.” Polly pointed at a shop’s window display of various pictures showing off the framer’s art. In the centre of the display was a portrait of the Queen, surrounded by less traditional styles of art. “Do you have royalty where you’re from?”

“Blue-skinned people? No, not naturally. I’m surprised the younger members of the Founding Families didn’t paint themselves the same colour as a robot. It’s the sort of thing they would have done.” Uvanov mistakenly assumed Polly was referring to a painting of an unnaturally hued woman, in the window.

“Who are the Founding Families?” Polly hoped she had hit on a subject that would distract Uvanov enough that he would relax and move away from her.

By the time Polly had found a promising-looking second-hand clothes shop, she had discovered Uvanov disliked the Founding Families more than anything else, and could go on and on about this particular chip on his shoulder at length.

“So it’s a two-class system?” asked Polly, searching through the clothes rails. Kaldor, or at any rate Uvanov, had reduced all prejudice to two sets of people - those from the Families and those not.

“There are sewer pit scum, but they hardly count. Except we’re all sewer scum now. There is a barrier around the ‘pits robots can’t cross. Originally it was a trap for rogue robots until the barrier’s function was reversed.” said Uvanov.

“That was lucky,” said Polly, pulling out a suit.

“Lucky? Night-stalkers live there. They hunt down and eat people.” Uvanov peered at the label on a jacket, to see if he recognised the sizing system.

“Cannibals?” 

“There isn’t much to eat apart from rats. I can understand why they would fancy a change in dining.”

“That‘s revolting,” said Polly pushing a couple of suits into Uvanov’s arms.

“Yes, not only do I come from a robot apocalypse, the safest place to hide is home to cannibals I’m so proud of my roots. Fortunately, it’s not a permanent situation. Once the remaining millions of robots have been put out of action, Kaldor can get back to normal,” said Uvanov, piling the irony as high as the suits.

****

In a grocer’s store, Toos was standing with Cathy as a shop assistant collected items off Cathy’s list. This is more like it, thought Toos. After earning enough money mining Lucanol to retire, she felt she hadn’t had time to enjoy being a rich bitch. It was nice to be waited on again. Especially by humans.

“There aren’t any robots here,” said Toos, speaking her thoughts aloud.

“No, miss, you’ll have to go to a toy shop for one of those,” said the shop assistant.

Toos shot a worried look at Cathy. 

“They are only small wind-up toys,” said Cathy as she paid the bill. “We’ll go to a boutique I know next ,and find something you are not so inclined to pull down to your ankles.” Toos twitched her fingers away from the hem of her mini-skirt.

As they came out of the shop and on to the street, Cathy asked, “Out of interest - how did you acquire new clothes?” Cathy reasoned that if Kaldor’s civilisation had broken down Toos would have been wearing rags or homespun clothing.

“There are plenty of clothes and fabric left in Kaldor: in malls, warehouses and even homes if you’re a ghoul. When anything runs out in the sewer pits, a raiding party goes out into Kaldor City proper to get it. If the robots don’t catch sight of you, they won’t try to kill you their programming isn’t complex. If it wasn’t for the sheer amount of robots, the city would be safer than the ‘pits,” answered Toos.

“Were you on a raid before you were,” Cathy hesitated unsure what word to use, “transported here?”

“Yes, we had gone to collect Z9 explosive packs and we were testing the batch on a few robots on the way back. A futile gesture really. There are rumours of a more effective way to deactivate robots coming to fruition. The problem with hanging around with Uvanov is nobody wants to talk to me anymore.”

“He’s not popular. I am surprised,” said Cathy dryly. 

“No, he’s not,” agreed Toos.

“The things he says don’t portray him in a good light.”

Toos gave a short laugh. “It’s not his quick temper, paranoia, less than subtle use of irony and constant carping about the Founding Families that make him unpopular. Oh, and I forgot his vulgar pursuit of money and power. Uvanov would say the founding families would say that, as they inherit power and don’t want to be reminded of their dwindling funds and I’d have to agree with him.”

“What makes him unpopular then?” said Cathy.

“When the robots went bad, Uvanov was Firstmaster Chairholder of the Board. Naturally, as the boss of everything, he was blamed for it. The first rule of command is: it’s all your fault, even when it isn’t.”

“Why stay with him then?”

“It’s true what Uvanov said about relationships not lasting frequent touring. The crew become family, albeit a dysfunctional and largely unlovable one. He’s the nearest I’ve left to any sort of family. Besides, he has good instincts, whether for finding the most lucrative ore seams or staying alive, which is an attractive quality these days. He’s not all bad.”

“No?”

“The idiots I’ve been stuck with on tours.” Toos shook her head. “It’s easy to get nostalgic, in those situations. I’m one of the few who gets on with him, if that’s anything to be proud of. I would miss him if he wasn’t around. He’s my guarantee the world won’t end, if he’s alive. Plenty have tried and failed to kill him.”

“Well, that is a recommendation - reliably indestructible. Like Steed but not,” said Cathy.

“Who?”

“Someone irritatingly charming of my acquaintance. Ah, here we are.” Cathy pushed open the door of a boutique and Toos followed her inside.

****

Polly pressed another suit on top of Uvanov’s bundle. “The navy looks like it’ll fit the best, but it’s hard to tell with clothes until they’re on. The changing room is over there,” said Polly, pointing him in the right direction. Over in the far corner was a row of cubicles, roughly constructed without the aid of a spirit level, with mismatching curtains.

“How very low-grade,” muttered Uvanov. 

“How do you try on clothes back home?”

“By hoping I’ve got the right size and running,” said Uvanov over his shoulder as he headed off to get changed.

Polly took advantage of Uvanov’s absence to try on various pairs of boots, which had caught her eye.

A short while later, Uvanov came out of the changing rooms. “I think this the best one. What do you think?” He was taking no chances over getting Earth fashion wrong, not after last night‘s adventures. “Where has the silly girl got to?” he said to himself, looking anxiously around for his missing fashion expert. Hidden behind a rail of drab army surplus coats, he spotted a familiar blonde head. “Ah, there you are. You gave me all those clothes to try on so you could get new boots, didn’t you?” he said, coming up to the shoe racks.

“It was a happy accident,” replied Polly, admiring the boots she had on in a low mirror.

“Hm.” Uvanov wasn’t convinced, but was secretly relived Polly hadn’t disappeared.

Polly turned her attention to Uvanov. “The suit’s marvellous. I had a feeling the navy would be smashing. A little old-fashioned, perhaps, but that doesn’t matter.”

“Because I’m old,” said Uvanov.

“I didn’t say that. Classics never go out of fashion,” said Polly hastily, because Uvanov had said what she was thinking. “It will meet Toos’s approval.”

“It will, will it? I didn’t know she likes blue. I though she liked orange. Orange probably reminds her of Poul. A very sad business,” said Uvanov, slipping into concerned statesman mode on the last sentence.

“I don’t know what colour she likes, but the blue brings out the colour of your, er, actually it doesn’t, not in this light, maybe if you moved. Excuse me for asking a personal question but don’t you want Toos to be happy?” said Polly, squinting in the poor light.

“Of course I want her to be happy. If she’s happy, it means she’s rich and I’ll be there, getting even richer.”

“It’s nice to share common goals,” said Polly, using her own ironic tone.

“Yes, destroying all robots is one. Toos and I knew the bloody things couldn’t be trusted. Not that we could tell anyone. Who would have believed us? Killer robots: unthinkable. We would have been labelled raving lunatics and silenced permanently by the Board. It was better to keep quiet and accept the promotion. Not that it wasn’t welcome and lightening couldn‘t strike twice, could it?” said Uvanov, with a trace of bitterness in his voice over how things had turned out.

Polly nodded. “It’s the same for me and Ben. We can’t talk about our time with the Doctor, visiting different eras and planets, when a man hasn’t landed on the moon yet. I think Cathy thinks half of what I say is made up. Our experiences did bond us together. It stopped us dancing around each other and get engaged. Nobody else has experienced what we have. It’s different to the usual shared history. It’s lucky we had a spark between us. I couldn’t face marrying someone else and pretending to be normal. I couldn’t tell them, could I?”

“No, they would use it against you eventually.”

“You don’t trust anyone, do you?”

“That’s because there isn’t anyone trustworthy.”

“Not even Toos?” suggested Polly.

“Well, that’s because I haven’t let her get close.”

“I find that sad. After what you said you’ve been through, don’t you think you should?”

“I have no interest in lessons in how to be foolish,” said Uvanov curtly. “I’ll get changed. The man over by the counter is probably wondering if we’re about to run off with his stock.”

“Think about it,” said Polly at Uvanov’s back as he went back to the changing room, and then to herself, “We’ll see.”

****

Returning to the flat, Cathy and the others found a courier waiting with three large cardboard boxes.

“Delivery for Mrs Catherine Gale, please sign here,” said the courier, brandishing a pen and pad. 

Polly carried Cathy’s shopping bags for her as they came through the front door. “Anything nice?”

“Depends how much you enjoy sifting through data to connect ‘unconnected’ murders,” said Cathy, her voice muffled, from behind the boxes she held. “You two can assist us.”

Toos and Uvanov looked reluctant. “Please, don‘t think we‘re not grateful for your hospitality, but we don’t want to be caught up in a murder spree,” said Toos.

“You don’t need our aid anyway. If it’s political, it’ll be a rival, who will have taken a contract out on them. It happens all the time. Covered up, of course,” said Uvanov flatly.

“Not here,” said Polly, who was glad the Doctor hadn’t taken her to Kaldor City.

“If you help us, I can use my contacts to get you a position where your knowledge and skills will be valued,” said Cathy, holding out a metaphorical carrot.

Uvanov couldn‘t help being sceptical, “You mean where our explosive packs will be valued, after we’ve mysteriously disappeared.”

“They are decent people. They wouldn’t exploit you.”

“Decency gets you nowhere. Not if you want to be rich and powerful,” said Uvanov.

“The pay is decent and the work is respectable,” said Cathy stiffly. “I can’t afford to keep all three of you.” This wasn’t true, but she didn’t want Toos and Uvanov as permanent guests. She had run into people like them before. If they hadn’t run into her, they could just as easily be working for a diabolical criminal mastermind.

Uvanov, taking the hint, delved in to the box full of documents and photographs. “What are we searching for then? And when’s lunch?”

Cathy gritted her teeth. Having robots meant never having to say you are sorry. And never having to say please, for that matter.

****

“We’ve managed to salvage some footage from the camera in the cybernaut’s head, ma’am,” said Chi.

“Excellent,” said Marie. “It’s my little treat to myself - watching my enemies’ final moments.”

“Sorry, ma’am. Cavendish isn’t on the film. There is footage of the people who blew up the cybernaut. If they normally dress as they do on the reel, they shouldn’t be hard to find. They’re a distinctive pair.”

“Show me,” said Marie, getting up from her chair and following Chi, to the viewing suite. 

As Marie viewed the film she said, “I see what you mean. Our very own Batman and Robin. Show the guards and tell them it’ll be worth their while if they find them for me.”

****

“This?” said Uvanov picking up a random photo and using it to cover his mouth as he yawned.

“You aren’t even trying now,” admonished Toos.

“Same as you then,”

“I think it is time you had some sleep. Me and Polly will carry on,” said Cathy.

“Good idea,” said Toos.

“There’s a spare bed and a sofa,” said Polly.

“I’ll have the bed,” said Uvanov, staking his claim.

“You can’t say that. Toos should have the bed,” said Polly.

“I can. I outrank her. I am the Firstmaster Chairholder of the Company.”

“Was,” pointed out Toos.

“In any case I’m older, if you’ve heard the phrase ‘age before beauty’. Is it a bed specially made for women?” said Uvanov, only half sarcastically after all there did seem to be a lot of gender rules.

“It’s not done,” said Polly.

“Don’t tell me - here women rule?” said Uvanov.

“No, we’re all equal,” said Polly.

“Or so we are told,” said Cathy.

“It’s called being chivalrous, like opening doors for women and giving up seats on a bus,” Polly explained.

“Bizarre. In the name of chivalry: Toos can share the bed with me.”

“Not the way you were looking at my legs,” objected Toos.

“I’m shocked you could think that way.” Uvanov put his arm to his chest pretending to be wounded. “When did I become a sex pest? Did I try anything when we slept together in the sewer pits?”

“There were a hundred other people there.”

“It didn’t put some of the others off. Did I join in? No.”

“True. Ex-Board members told me. They didn’t believe you would notice if someone was laid out naked on your desk, with a rose between their teeth.”

“They never were very bright. I would have taken heed if the person was dead. Another Founding Family plot to discredit me, no doubt. Or assassinate me with a poisonous gas from the rose. In the best-case scenario, they would be one of Iago’s floozies. I couldn’t miss the chance to fine him for the misuse of Company property. Though I don’t suppose he’d notice with the wages I paid him. Why are you rolling your eyes at me, Toos?”

Polly, who wanted to finish going through the papers sooner rather than later, decided to intervene. “It’s a big bed. You could put bolsters and pillows between you.”

“Oh, all right,” said Uvanov.

“I suppose,” said Toos.

****

Toos and Uvanov were in the kitchen. Cathy had risked them making breakfast, while she and Polly sorted out their notes.

“When you said you couldn’t afford to keep them, I thought you were joking. How much can two people eat? It’s not as if they look like they eat a lot,” said Polly, as an “Oh!” came from the kitchen, followed by the splat of an egg breaking.

Cathy winced at the noise. “As long as there is no smoke damage. The new kitchen wasn’t fitted all that long ago.”

“They did appear to be paying attention as you explained how to use the hob.”

Toos came in from the kitchen. “It’s ready.” With her, she brought the first of the plates, loaded with toast, fried egg, sausages, bacon, tomatoes, mushrooms and cucumber.

“Fried cucumber!” exclaimed Polly.

“Uvanov thought it would go with the sausage,” said Toos.

“I’m sure the rest of it is very nice,” said Polly, pushing the rogue vegetable with a fork to one side of her plate.

“Hmm, thank you for making breakfast,” said Cathy pointedly at Uvanov as he brought the other plates in.

“Do the neat piles mean you’ve found out who’s behind the killer robot?” said Toos.

Cathy held up a photo. “Nearly. In this photo are a group from Oxford University. All the victims are in the picture, along with possible suspects. We have narrowed them down to three.”

“And they are? Not that we have a clue?” said Uvanov stabbing a sausage.

“The first is Edgar Rose. He was jilted at the altar and felt he was duped and humiliated, not only by his intended, Denise Carter, but also by his friends. It is said he never got over it. The second is Patrick Ward. He was sent to jail for fraud, but his alleged accomplices were cleared of any wrongdoing. He was released several months ago. Finally, there is Marie Reynolds. She was involved in a project to develop a disease-resistant strain of crops. She was thrown off the team after she was found to have plagiarised others to gain her PhD. She claimed she did the key work and Professor Wentworth, the head scientist of the group, set her up so he could take the credit for the project’s success.”

“They sound not unlike the average Board member. Either way the motive is revenge,” observed Uvanov.

“That is my assumption. Crucially, the three were resident in London when the first murders occurred.”

“And your next move is?” asked Toos.

“Our next move is to go and interview the suspects in the guise of a journalist and her photographer,” Cathy spread out a collection of press badges, “while you two break into their homes and find evidence.”

“Like a robot,” said Toos.

“Like a robot,” confirmed Cathy.

“Wait a minute. Can’t you bribe one of their associates? Second-in-commands are notoriously unreliable,” said Uvanov.

“We have wasted enough time and lives already without trying to find out if they are working solo or not,” said Cathy.

“That doesn’t mean we should risk our lives. Your contacts had better get us a post worth the trouble,” said Uvanov.

“You have your bombs. They are the most effective thing I’ve seen against cybernauts. You’ll be safer than us,” said Polly.

****

“Right, are we ready?” said Cathy, checking her reflection in the hall mirror. She wanted to appear professional but not too severe she didn’t want her interviewees to feel they were going to be interrogated. 

“Done!” said Polly cheerfully, coming out of the bathroom brandishing make-up brushes, followed by Uvanov.

“I don’t think it’s any better than yesterday,” complained Uvanov.

Ignoring Uvanov’s ingratitude, Cathy said, “That’s a fabulous suit you found, Polly. I wouldn’t have believed it was off the peg.”

“Thanks. I was ever so pleased when I found it. I’m planning to take Ben to the shop, when he’s on leave, and see if I can get a suit for our wedding.”

“Oh yes, Cathy’s right. Very smart,” agreed Toos, joining them.

Uvanov unused to the attention, decided to change the focus to Toos. “The flowery trousers are nice, Toos, very spring like, but I miss the micro-skirt.”

“It wasn’t practical,” Toos huffed. “If I can’t run from a robot in it, I won’t wear it. Are we going?”

“Photos first,” said Polly, picking up her camera.

Uvanov raised an eyebrow in question.

“I am supposed to be Cathy’s assistant and photographer. I need to practise. Cathy, show me your best ‘I’m not investigating you for murder’ pose.”

“Aren’t you too old to be playing at make believe?” said Uvanov, thinking Polly was very silly.

Cathy obliged Polly’s request to annoy Uvanov. She put on a kilowatt smile, pulled her glasses down the bridge of her nose, put a pen to the side of her mouth and flipped open a notebook as Polly clicked away.

“You two next. You are a couple on your first trip to London to see the sights. Come on, I need to look convincing,” urged Polly.

Toos rolled her eyes and said, “If we must,” and linked arms with Uvanov.

“Super! You do realise you have 28 days to get married, don‘t you?”

“What!” said Uvanov.

“Fake relationships always lead to marriage,” said Polly, laughing.

“You’ve read too many trashy romances,” scowled Uvanov, realising Polly was joking.

“You didn’t spring apart when I suggested it, did you?”

“We’re not here to act out your romantic frustrations,” said Uvanov.

“Now look into each others eyes,” said Polly, ignoring him.

****

“Well, that was Mr Rose,” said Cathy. She was standing with Polly around the corner from Rose’s residence, waiting for their two accomplices to return.

“He was very bitter,” said Polly.

“Definitely.”

“He didn’t seem the murderous type.”

“Too wrapped up in his own world. Ah, here they are.”

Uvanov and Toos trotted up. “Nothing,” said Toos, slightly out of breath.

“No secret plans, no robots. Have you ever heard of secret lairs?” said Uvanov sarcastically.

“I’ll put Mr Rose down as a ‘maybe’,” said Cathy, adjusting her notes. “Next up, Miss Reynolds. She has spent several years in China. She gave the plant science up for importing and exporting agricultural machinery. I think an ‘East meets West’ article would be of interest to readers of _Woman About London_. It‘s not far from here, we might as well walk.”

****

Uvanov entered through the unlocked French windows at the back of the house. “Not keen on locks, Miss Reynolds, is she?”

“Because she has mechanical guards?” suggested Toos.

“I’m in favour of waiting by the doors to see if they turn up, and making a hasty exit.”

“I suppose we should check a few rooms first. There’s nothing here.”

They crossed the room and went down a long corridor. 

“There’s someone coming,” whispered Toos. 

“Shit, let’s go in here,” said Uvanov, pulling open the nearest door. Inside was a small room where two men sat playing cards. To the left of them was a bank of small TV screens. The men hadn’t been fulfilling their task to monitor the CCTV.

“Who are you?” said one of the men in surprise.

“We are guests of Miss Reynolds. We were going to the bathroom,” improvised Toos.

“Together?” said the man rising from his chair.

“We are a visiting couple, can’t you see?” said Uvanov, assuming the pose he had done with Toos for Polly’s snapshots.

“You’re a visiting couple, are you? I know you two. You blew up our cybernaut. You made our boss unhappy. Didn’t they?”

“Yeah,” chorused the guards, who were walking down the corridor and were now blocking the doorway.

“You make us happy,” said the man, moving in a menacing manner towards them. “The boss promised us a big, fat bonus for you.”

As the guards brought out their guns, Uvanov said indignantly, “I can’t believe it. People have got it in for me wherever I go. Am I that hateful?” shortly before being knocked unconscious.

****

Standing in Marie‘s control room, surrounded by whirring computers, Cathy said, “It’s an impressive set up you have here, Miss Reynolds.”

“I like to keep up to date with the latest innovations. Computers are our future. Chi is working on shrinking the components down. Imagine a portable computer the size of a television set. It would revolutionise my work in rural communities,” said Marie.

“How did you become involved in machinery? From my research, I understand you initially worked in the field of biotechnology.”

Marie shifted uncomfortably. “If you found out I was a biotechnologist, you’ll have read how I was stripped of my qualifications. My career was over before it had even begun. I wanted to keep working in agriculture and made a sideways career move. Setting up my own company meant I wouldn’t find myself in the situation I was in at Oxford. Did you know Wentworth propositioned me? I rejected him, I knew he was only after my formula. Well, he got it, didn’t he? He sent his cronies into the archives to change my work to look like I was a plagiarist and confiscated my research notes.” Marie’s voice rose as she remembered the injustice.

“I’m sorry if I brought back bad memories,” said Cathy.

“Don’t apologise. Success is the best revenge. You will leave those comments out of the published interview.” It was an order, not a question.

“Yes, of course. Is it all right if my assistant takes pictures as we talk?” said Cathy, keeping her tone pleasant. 

“I would prefer it if you took photos in the drawing room, the light is much better there,” said Marie, moving towards the door.

****

In a small, windowless room, half-full with boxes, Toos was woken by water being thrown over her. As she tried to lift her arms to shield herself, she found was bound to a chair and handcuffed to someone behind her. The sound of a string of expletives told her it was Uvanov, reacting to the same treatment.

“Rise and shine,” sneered a well-built, bald man dressed in black. 

“Look at this one. He’s wearing make-up,” said another black clad guard. He was equally bulky, but taller and with the short cropped hair of an ex-military man.

The bald guard went to join the other man. “Well, well, well, he is, isn’t he? He’s got more on than her. You’re confused aren’t you, sunshine? A beard and eye- shadow. We’ll have to do something about that.”

“Never mind my appearance. What the hell is going on here, you witless oafs? It’ll be the sewer pits for you if you don’t let us go. I want to talk to the organ grinder, not the monkeys,” said Uvanov angrily. Being tied to a chair wasn’t affecting Uvanov’s ability to lose his temper.

The bald guard struck Uvanov across the face. “Stow it!” Pulling out a flick knife, he grabbed Uvanov’s chin to prevent him from turning his face away. “Good of you to give us a cutting guide with those lines.”

“Need a hand?” said the other as he used his fingers to hold one of Uvanov’s eyes open. Despite telling himself he was not scared and would not be scared, with the knife millimetres from his eye, Uvanov let out a whimper of fear. The guards grinned evilly. “Now that’s what we like to hear,” said the bald guard.

“What are you doing? Leave him alone,” said Toos, struggling to see what was happening behind her.

“Ooh, a feisty one,” mocked the taller guard as he came to Toos’s side. “Be nice to me and I won’t hurt you. I make allowances for the fairer sex. It comes from having a lady boss.” As he spoke he ran a finger down Toos’s face.”

“Ugh, you’re revolting,” said Toos, jerking her face away.

The bald guard laughed. “Sorry, she fancies me more.”

“Nah, it’s hanging out with pansies that has confused her. She’s forgotten what it’s like with a real man. Your friend can watch. It‘ll be educational.”

“Don’t you touch her,” said Uvanov.

“Or what? You can’t do a single thing, except wait your turn,” jeered the bald guard.

A buzzer went off, on an intercom, on the wall. The bald guard went to answer it. “The boss lady wants us now and she means _now_ ,” he informed the tall guard.

The other cursed at having his fun cut short. “Don’t think you’re off the hook. We’ll be back later.”

****

Polly looked at her watch and then put it to her ear to check if it was ticking. “Shouldn‘t they be back by now?”

“They could be lost,” said Cathy. “You wait here. I’ll scout round the back of Reynolds’s place.”

Cathy left Polly by a red telephone box. She had to go down a side street and sneak through a couple of gardens before she reached Marie Reynolds’s garden wall. Peering over, Cathy saw a flurry of activity. Black clad men were carrying large, cabinet sized objects, which made up the different sections of a computer. The cabinets were being manoeuvred into the back of a truck. 

Returning to Polly, Cathy said, “It seems our visit has ruffled a few feathers. I don’t think it’s a coincidence Reynolds is moving out. If she’s not responsible for the murders then it’s something equally as unsavoury.”

“Did you find Toos and Uvanov?”

“No. I’d guess by all the security in there, they may have been caught snooping.”

“We’ll have to go back for them.” Polly turned to march back down the road on a rescue mission.

“Wait.” Cathy laid a hand on the telephone box. “There are too many guards for us to go rushing in. I need time to think.”

****

“You know, Toos, if we get out of here in one piece, I was thinking…,” said Uvanov.

“Of exploiting the situation for your own ends?” said Toos.

“That’s a good idea. If I knew more about this society… No, what I was thinking, you know what happens in these life or death situations?”

“There’s an explosion followed by a big mess.”

“What?! No.” Uvanov started to speak more quickly before he changed his mind, about what he wanted to say. “We’ve been through a lot you and me, you know. Chasing lucanol seams in the Blind Heart, fighting the original murdering robots on Storm Mine 4, the resulting cover up and…”

“Sending a Company agent to spy on me,” Toos reminded him.

“He saved your life, didn’t he? It shows I care. Where was I? Ah, yes, and then millions of robots went on the rampage and we met up again and we were always the best pilot and captain team, weren’t we? And many couples meet at work and I haven’t paid attention to relationships as much as I should have, apart from with my enemies and…”

“And?” said Toos, as Uvanov paused to take a breath.

“Lish, you never used to interrupt me,” said Uvanov irritably.

“I’m used to facing imminent death, not a long drawn out session of torture. It’s affecting my normal behaviour and yours. You usually get straight to the point.”

“Back to the point then, but I’ve forgotten what I was going to say. I had rehearsed it in my head. I’ll start again. What I am saying... or am I asking? Oh damn it can’t we get rid of the bolsters between us in the bed?”

“I meant an actual explosion, caused by a bomb, not a euphemism,” said Toos.

“I don’t want sex with you, Lish!” exclaimed Uvanov. “Well, I do, er, but as part of a loving relationship. Ugh, did I just say that? Not meaningless sex to celebrate not being dead.”

“Otherwise we would have shagged years ago.”

“Do you mind? I’m putting my heart on the line here.”

“I’m sorry, Kiy.”

“Great. I hope I die now and soon. I’m so glad I’m on a planet where nobody knows me,” said Uvanov with feeling.

“I was apologising for being tactless. Don’t interrupt,” said Toos.

“No, that’s your job,” said Uvanov sulkily.

“You may have something. It’s easy to become distracted when you’re trying not to be eaten by cannibals or dismembered by robots. We were the best pilot and captain team. You have to have something to be as good as we were. It can’t be because we’re both mad. It’s nice to have something in common though,” Toos mused.

“I prefer idiosyncratic, it has more letters,” said Uvanov, perking up.

“Let’s give it a try. If it doesn’t work out, we can always assassinate each other. Do you know I’ve never kissed a man with a beard, not properly?”

“Why not?”

“Beards bring to mind scruffy night-stalkers. Seeing facial hair with the remains of someone you were talking to yesterday in it is off putting to say the least.”

“I’d like to get that image out of our minds by enveloping you in a passionate embrace, but as we’re tied back to back…”

Toos was suddenly suspicious, Uvanov wasn‘t the sort to talk about passionate embraces, not without a hint of sarcasm. “Was it you who stole my romance novels on Storm Mine 4?” 

“I’m sure this isn’t supposed to happen when you bring handcuffs into a relationship.”

“You stole ‘Jungle Sheik, Defiant Virgin.’ It was my favourite!”

Uvanov racked his brains, “Was it the one with the scene in the tent, during the monsoon? Yes, I thought…”

“It’s too late to start a discussion now. I would have lent it to you if you’d asked,” said Toos.

“I’d rather debate the merits of trashy novels than contemplate our surroundings,” said Uvanov.

“I certainly won’t be re-booking this room for an anniversary date. I’m sure sea views were mentioned in the brochure.”

“The staff could do with taking a course on customer service as well.”

“Hm.”

There was a long pause.

Finally Uvanov spoke, “I’m scared, Lish. What if our luck has run out?”

“Me too, Kiy.”

Toos and Uvanov held hands, back to back, in silence.

****

With Polly holding back the guards, in the upper corridor, Cathy burst into the control room. The area was in disarray. Gone were the metal cabinets, which housed the very latest in computer technology. Sat on an egg shaped chair behind a sleek desk was Marie Reynolds. On top of the desk was a metal box, with a switch and a control stick.

“If only you could have waited, Mrs Gale,” said Marie, lounging in the chair. “You could have met a fully formed cybernaut. It embarrasses me to show you the incomplete version. Say ‘hello’.” Marie picked up the small box and flicked the switch. From behind a tools cupboard a cybernaut shuffled out. “Chi was in the middle of building a replacement, but then she had to supervise the removal of the computers.”

The cybernaut was a bare metal figure. It lacked the clothing used to disguise its predecessor. It was akin to a human with the skin flayed off, except the muscle and sinew were made of wires and flexible metal. Its head and one arm were also missing. With Marie at the controls, it didn’t need a head to find Cathy. The powerful chopping motions of its one arm showed it didn’t need an extra limb to kill.

Cathy retreated.

****

With an expert kick, the door flew open. Toos was surprised to see a man dressed in beige workmen’s overalls in front of her. He wielded not a paintbrush but a rifle.

“There are two captives here, Colonel,” shouted Corporal Blake down into the corridor.

“Have you come to free us?” Toos asked.

“I have, ma’am. It gives me a break from fighting mercenaries,” said Blake as he untied Toos’ legs. 

“Are these Mrs Gale’s friends, Corporal?” said a tall man, stepping into the room. He was similarly attired in workmen’s clothes, although his accent was superior to his paint-splattered outfit.

“I don’t think they’re one of Reynolds’ lot, Colonel,” replied Blake.

“I’m Lish Toos. We came to investigate Cavendish’s murder.”

“And I’m Kiy Uvanov. We were assisting Cathy Gale and Polly Wright. Did they send you?”

“Pleased to meet you, I’m Colonel Lethbridge-Stewart and this other chap is Corporal Blake. Mrs Gale was concerned she was wasting our time, but she has yet to prove me wrong. I’m afraid we can’t remove the handcuffs until we leave here. I’ll leave Blake with you, if you can’t move, until we have contained the situation.”

“It’s O.K. We can manage, if we stick our arms to one side. Can’t we, Kiy?” said Toos, eager to exit.

“After a fashion,” said Uvanov. He felt he was trialling an arm version of the three-legged race, but was as keen to leave as Toos.

“Splendid,” said Lethbridge-Stewart and they set off down the hallway.

As the Colonel’s small band progressed along the corridors, they came across some guards that the Colonel's troops had knocked unconscious. 

Toos halted next to the bald guard from earlier. “Wait. I’m sure I recognise this man. He may have the keys to our handcuffs on him.”

“Search him, Corporal,” said Lethbridge-Stewart and stood guard with his revolver.

“Right-o, sir.” Blake found the keys and unlocked Toos and Uvanov. Watching Blake search the prone guard, Uvanov saw his former captor’s knife and quickly snatched it off the body. Lethbridge-Stewart grabbed Uvanov’s wrist, forcing him to drop the blade. “Careful. I won’t let civilians become involved in fighting.”

Uvanov glared at him. “He threatened us with torture and rape. I don’t see why we shouldn’t be able to defend ourselves. I wasn’t going to kill him. Cutting his balls off would be a just punishment.”

“This isn’t a free for all. He will be dealt with by the authorities in due course,” said Lethbridge-Stewart sternly.

“If I was a member of the Founding Families, I would lodge a complaint about your troops not freeing us in line with current fashions,” said Uvanov sourly, rubbing his sore wrist.

Lethbridge-Stewart raised an eyebrow - he didn’t know much about the ways of circus folk.

****

“It’s time to call it quits, Miss Reynolds. Your bodyguards are on the cusp of defeat. Launching a cybernaut won’t make any difference,” said Cathy, keeping a safe distance between her and the advancing automaton.

Marie gave a derisory laugh. “Unlike my useless guards, a cybernaut is impervious to bullets and can’t be knocked out. One cybernaut is worth a hundred men.”

“How did you build your own cybernaut? I don’t believe you knew Dr Armstrong,” said Cathy. She had spotted Toos’s bag of explosives lying on the floor. She hoped to distract Marie’s attention and get to the bag.

“Correct, Mrs Gale. I knew of him. Chi and I sought out his assistant, Benson, after his demise. Benson was a weak fool. Men like him don’t garner much interest. An evening of laughing at his unfunny jokes and pretending to find his tedious tales interesting gained us access to his flat. Chi occupied him while I took photos of the blue prints.”

“Very resourceful.” Cathy circled away from the mechanoid.

“Why, thank you.”

“You appear to have improved the design.”

“The remote? Sadly, my former Oxford friends don’t want to see me anymore. Homing devices hidden in pens wouldn’t have worked. My, you are getting close to me, Mrs Gale. If you insist on avoiding my metal man, it’s back to the other side of the room for you.” 

The cybernaut made a sudden lunge for Cathy, driving her away from Marie. Coming up against the doors, as they were pushed open, she was shoved back into the path of the cybernaut. Throwing herself to the ground, Cathy calculated her momentum would help her slide past the cybernaut. Behind her, Lethbridge-Stewart and his team rushed into the space, rifles cocked and ready to fire.

“Hold fire!” shouted Cathy as she slid to a stop next to Toos’s bag. “The bullets will ricochet off. Try these.” Reaching into the bag, Cathy tossed a couple of the detonators at the troops. She kept one of the explosives and twisted it in her palms, trying to guess how it was primed, as the cybernaut loomed dangerously close. 

Over by the door, Uvanov caught one of the devices and expertly flicked the switches. “Catch!” he said to Polly. She caught the explosive pack he had thrown at her and stared back.

“Don’t just stand there, you’re nearest. Stick it on its back before it goes off,” instructed Uvanov.

Out of the corner of her eye, Cathy saw a yellow and orange blur dash up to the cybernaut and quickly retreat.

“Everybody down! It’s going to explode,” warned Toos.

There was a large bang and pieces of the cybernaut flew across the chamber. Marie pressed a panel on the desk and a secret door opened. 

“I wouldn’t leave Miss Reynolds. Unless you want to be shot,” said Cathy from the floor.

“I suppose this is where I say ‘curses’,” said Marie as two soldiers came to escort her away.

“Thank you, Mrs Gale, we will take over now. I wish Intelligence would stop using amateurs, no matter how talented,” said Lethbridge-Stewart.

“That’s not fair. If it wasn’t for us, there may have been more deaths,” said Polly.

“True, Miss Wright, but the Ministry should have called our special unit when dead politicians and murdering mechanoids came into the equation and not after one of their agents passed on a call from a telephone box. Most unprofessional.”

“Ah, the telephone box: a wonderful innovation to allow everyone of all classes access to the telecommunications network, housed in an iconic design by Sir Giles Gilbert Scott,” said Cathy.

“You sound like your bowler-hatted gentleman friend, Cathy,” said Polly amused.

“As I’m doing his job for him, I may as well do everything else he would do.”

“The way you threw out the man in the telephone box wasn’t very gentlemanly.”

“You haven’t seen Steed in a fight. Hadn’t we better check on our lodgers?”

****

Cathy came into the flat, deposited her keys into a shallow dish and collapsed into an armchair. Polly followed suit. 

“It’s been a long day,” said Cathy.

“A long couple of days,” said Polly wearily.

“If you don’t mind, we’ll have an early night,” said Toos, while Uvanov did an over exaggerated, mock yawn. Cathy raised an eyebrow as Uvanov put his arm around Toos’ waist and she leaned in to him, doing her own faux yawn. After the pair went in to the spare room, Cathy picked up a newspaper. 

“What are you looking for? Haven’t we finished for tonight?” said Polly.

“The cinema listings. _The Sorcerers_ and _Torture Garden_ are showing. Not quite what I had in mind.”

“I thought you were as tired as I am.”

“I am, but I’d hazard a guess it’s springtime in Kaldor,” said Cathy, with a knowing look. 

Polly looked quizzically at Cathy, until the penny dropped. “Oh! But they gave the impression... Do you think my photo shoot gave then a nudge? I thought I was going to have to hit them over the head with my new boots.”

“Sometimes a change of scenery can make people see each other in a different light. Do you fancy an evening of fine dining?”

“With Henry Cade?” said Polly smiling at the mention of Cathy's roguish friend.

“Maybe another night. Tonight, a certain bowler-hatted gentleman owes us. He will certainly want to hear about our adventures.”

“I wouldn’t want to turn up unannounced, if Steed's entertaining Mrs Peel.”

Cathy rose to put on the coat and shoes she had discarded moments before. “It will teach him to discern the difference between so called little problems and the larger ones, before passing them on.”

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> Before anyone comments, “it’s “UNIT” not “unit”,” in Terrance Dicks’ Target novelisation of _The Web of Fear_ Dicks writes about the “Special Unit” (pg 26), one Colonel Lethbridge-Stewart was part of. Later on, on pg 42, he writes, “Promoted to Brigadier, Lethbridge-Stewart would one day lead the British section of an organisation called UNIT.”


End file.
